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How High Expectations Can Ruin Relationships

December 9, 2014

expectations vs realityEveryone holds expectations about how a romantic partner or spouse should be behaving. In fact, romantic partners place a hell lot of expectations on each other.

People have expectations about how their spouse should spend their free time, behave at work, act in social situations, and so on. And in some cases, people hold expectations about how their partners should think, act, talk, walk, eat, dress, etc.And for the most part; people try to live up to their partner’s expectations.

In general, people don't like to disappoint someone they love. No one, however, is perfect. Everyone makes an honest mistake (and, sometimes a not so honest mistake).
Everyone ultimately falls short of their spouse’s expectations. And when this happens, people generally try to cover their mistakes through the use of deception.

When people violate a partner’s expectations then they have two choices:

Tell the truth and disappoint a partner – and endure a certain negative outcome. Or try to cover-up their mistake through deception – try to achieve a positive outcome (avoid punishment).

Without giving it much thought, most people generally take the second option when faced with such a dilemma.
Better to take a chance and try to cover one’s mistake than to face certain and known consequence – a partner’s disapproval and possible retribution.

Kids do the exact same thing when they fall short of their parent’s expectations – they try to hide their shortcomings n weaknesses.

To make the matters worse, people tend to place the most expectations on their romantic partners. For instance, people don’t care how strangers behave – it’s their own business. But, we do care about how our spouse acts.
Because of this, it is often easier to tell a stranger the absolute truth than it is to tell one’s spouse.
Strangers, people with little expectations about our behavior, care a lot less about how we behave.
Have you ever had someone on an airplane tell all of their secrets? It is easier to tell the truth to someone who doesn’t care about what you have to say.

Simply put: partner’s expectations often underlie one’s deceptive behavior – people lie about what their partner’s care about.

For instance, if your partner doesn't care about how you spend money, you are less likely to lie about it. If, however, your spouse is deeply concerned about your spending habits, then you are more likely to lie about it.

Unfortunately, much of our dishonest behavior is tied to issues that will upset a romantic partner and having a partner react particularly poorly to the truth does not help…

Removing expectations is not easy because women are programmed to think that if we don’t have expectations we wouldn't be respected or treated right. But the opposite actually gives results so keep your norms and don’t ever settle for less than what you deserve but don’t blame the poor guy if he doesn’t want to give anything.
Be realistic in your evaluation of him. Don’t expect him to give you something he doesn’t himself have. You can't expect a cow to give you eggs. Works that way NEVER.

Removal of expectations makes you soft, inviting, grateful and easy to please and that vibe attracts men like no other thing would. Men are then also motivated to do the right things because they are hooked on getting high on your approval and gratitude.
That’s what luring with honey actually means. Expectations create potential for aggravations and it’s like a ticking time bomb. That vibe is a repellent to anyone. My experience has taught me that more confident you are about your desirability the less you need assurance from your partner and the easier your relationship will be and -in the process- the more he will be attached to you emotionally, hence the less he’s inspired to look for other women.

It All really starts from you! Not him. No man can make you feel loved if you don’t have that capacity within yourself. If you are the women men adore, your relationship will be easy and smooth sailing because you have the power over yourselves, and thus him and the relationship. Insecurities, lack of self-confidence and self-esteem always kills the fledgling romance. Once you get a hang of it, everything is easy. Your man will eat out of your hand so easy it is.

When you make a mistake with a man, the easiest way out and back on track is really just too lean back and let the dust settle down. Time will usually lessen the significance of any incident.

However, leaning back is mighty hard when your mind is chaotic and you are questioning yourselves. Remember a man thinks he’s the ‘fixer.’ He needs to be the one processing the information and then coming up with a solution.

It needs to be 'HIS' brilliant idea, anything that happens. He needs to figure out what he is going to do about it. The minute you trump his instinct, he thinks that you’ve lost faith in him. Which is why we must whisper solutions to men not tell it to them: so they think they came up with them otherwise they hate you for doing it for him. He sees that you won over him and he cannot be attracted to someone whom devours him so easy it is.

If you just had sex with your guy don’t let your insecurities ruin your success in happily ever after just because you are feeling insecure or because some of them screwed up big time using you for sex only. Your unconscious insecurities or methods of functioning and feeling are at work and sooner you realize what you are doing better because you wouldn't give a guy hard time for no reason.

If you had an amazing night and if it has been utterly fantastic don’t fucking ruin it with something like I wish you could stay and spend the night’s hat is the most ridiculous thing ever .Yes you are emotional and you would love him to spend the night step out of your head and your own past relationships trauma and appreciate that you spent amazing night together and let him feel like shit just cause he has to go.

Ruining night by painting it with drama is terrifying.

The guy will simply freak out even if he doesn’t show it he will shrink a little bit. He will get insecure about how great you are. He will grant you yet another wish however if you do make sure to thank him for what he has done for you.
If fear has gained control over your life to the point where you cannot focus on anything else but finding a husband or wishing and daydreaming about happily ever after and you are not 100% committed to your obligations, work, friends and other life staff as much as you are to getting married you should seriously pray that God helps you through his Holy Spirit to get a new heart and new perspective of his plan for your life.

DO NOT make having /getting a boyfriend and marriage your only passion. This is a substitute for happiness and you are set to fail if you set yourself up for this track.
Advice : Just find the one thing you enjoy doing more than anything else, your one true passion besides your man, and do it for the rest of your life on nights and weekends when you’re exhausted and cranky and just want to go to bed. Music, writing, drawing, acting, teaching – it really doesn’t matter what it is that you like to do.
All that matters is that you have this passion that you can resort to and that your man is not your passion but only your friend and, partner.

In today’s world many women are not happy in their work or with their life in general, or are too afraid to go after things that make them happy, and then they expect relationship to fix their problems or fill the void in their hearts.
Because the bottom line is that life is short, and you owe it to yourself to spend the majority of your life giving yourself wholly and completely to something you absolutely love doing besides your husband. You are not put on this earth to be a wife or a mother. You really are not!!

High Expectations Can Ruin Relationships

This is just someone you are sharing your precious moments with but he is not the absolute reason of your existence here.
Please do yourself a favor and explore new things you never did and work hard to find the one interest or activity that truly fulfills you in ways nothing else can. Not even your husband.
When you have a passion you will be much more attractive and less obsessed with a man. You will naturally allow him to feel FREEDOM, LOVE, ADMIRATION, APPRECIATION, things that make him Love you and want to propose you and spend the rest of his life with you.

Realize that if your man,he is healthy he will want the same thing from you as his romantic partner. He wants you to be Understanding ,Appreciative ,Respectful ,Caring, kind ,Helpful ,Trustworthy ,Positive ,Fun to be around.

Men repetitively do all the bad things we tell them never to do again, and on contrary they do with pleasure all the things that you couldn’t care less about. Imagine if you could be detached and care less about him being exclusive and whether you are fuck buddies or real partners and whether he is seeing you just for sex or he has serious plans for you two.
IF you really don’t care about this at all he would probably tell you right away what his plans are for you two and you would know without needing to guess.

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